They’re effectively keeping you on the bench like a second-string baseball player in case the starting pitcher bows out.
“That way you’re letting her know how you feel and also considering her,” says Geraldine K. If she doesn’t like your suggestion, throw out a different one. “Use basic manners: If it’s cold out, give her your jacket.” If you're feeling nervous, don't sweat it. But be careful not to put too much pressure on her or the relationship. “On these romantic comedies, love is all about infatuation and feelings,” Kalish says. It’s about caring and growing.” You need to give her and yourself room to grow as individuals, Piorkowski says. Spend time with her, but also spend time with your guy friends. “They tend to lash out.” It’s OK to go home and cry. (Kalish says her research shows that 90% of the time, the parents cause the breakup.) Besides, if you really like her, you don’t want to ruin the chances that you might get back together someday.
She’s special, and you’ve finally found the courage to ask her out. You should also be respectful in how you approach her. Mention an activity, like going to a movie or a basketball game, and then ask her what she thinks about the idea. “Most young women do not feel good about being pushed.” During the date, focus on her, not yourself. “I think we’re past the days when a strong female would be offended if you opened the door for her,” says California State University of Sacramento psychologist Nancy Kalish, Ph D. Once you start dating, it’s easy to start thinking that the world revolves around this girl. Remember, the reason she gave you for the breakup may not be the true reason.
This goes beyond the (hopefully) obvious steps of bathing and using deodorant, which are important. That way you at least get a clue from the tone of her voice.
Contact the NCJW/Essex Center for Women, (973) 994-4994 For more information or to schedule a program. If you are in an abusive relationship: 1 (866) 331-9474 or 1 (866) 331-8453 (TTY) LOVEIS to: 22522 (973) 740-1233 765-9050 All calls are kept confidential.
To Volunteer: Teen Dating Abuse Awareness Assistants and Presenters are trained volunteers who go into high school classrooms in suburban Essex County to make teens aware of the signs of abuse in a relationship.